The Secret Life of Kingdom Hearts
by AliVal13
Summary: Spill alls about the characters of Kingdom Hearts you didn't know about.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER - I do not own Kingdom Hearts

WARNING - Stupid, stupid, and more stupid.

RANT - I did this for Zaya. xD We were discussing one of my other fics and mentioned how Riku had girly hair. The rest is history.

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"Hey, what's up? ... Huh? Hahaha! You didn't!"

It was a rather normal bedroom with medium space of about eight-by-five feet. The walls were painted hot-pink with a white, one foot, vertical stripe exactly in the middle which depicted unicorns playing merrily among many rainbows and butterflies... Though it was all a little hard to see. Over at least seventy-five percent of the wall was covered in posters, mostly of Twilight scenes and shirtless Jacob or pouting Edward. One poster had a depiction of Bella, but her face was scratched out. The carpet was a strawberry shade, looking almost brand new with how perfectly vacuumed it was.

"Today? No, I probably shouldn't. I'm still feeling a little pukish after that party last night."

There was a bed of course, one with procelain white headboard in old victorian style and a fluffy mattress, covered delicately by an even fluffier comforter of feathers- as equally pink as the walls. The pillows were large and over stuffed with flower print pillow cases, supporting many teddy bears and other assorted stuffed animals, each displayed according to size.

"You're really sweet, babe. You know those jeans you wore? The whole night I couldn't stop staring, they were so damn tight... How the hell did you fit into those?"

There was also a cute little desk that sat close to the door, which was also painted in pink with a white floral pattern similar to the pillow cases. The desk had two drawers on the right side with golden knobs for handles. The top had a space for holding books, but mostly held many organized magazines, which were mostly for personality tests and "Who's Hot" news. A small ballerina music box was open, but the tune was already dead. Inside was a small ballerina on a spring and a compartment for holding jewelry- most of it necklaces, bracelets, and mismatched earrings that had long since lost their partner. A few of them seemed a little out of place in this very pink and feathery room, as some of those pieces had skulls and swords. There were also a few framed photos of friends, family, and a vacation to Disney world.

"Why don't you ever believe me when I say that? I'll make it nice and clear... I. Want. To. Bang. You."

From the ceiling hung many ornaments, like fragile unicorn figures, more ballerinas, and some little kitten or bears on chains. There was also another framed picture of two boys hugging and smiling, looking absolutely adorable covered in stickers and mardi gra beads.

"Stop having so much low self-esteem. This is why you can't keep a date, you're such a pussy."

There was a dresser, a television on a small table, and a bedside drawer table- all white with pink feather rims. Even the chair at the desk the same style. All the furniture matched in color and design, even the window was lined in pink feathers just like everything else. It was the perfect room for a young girl...

However, the occupant and owner was certainly not a young girl.

"Mm, I love it when you talk like that... So, what are you wearing?"

It was a male teenager, a rather large one at that. He had procelain white skin, beautiful sea-green eyes, and he was wearing what seemed like an appropriately large sun dress. On his face was an amateur blush job, which is to say that his cheeks were over powdered with red. The dress itself was puffy at the skirt, with equally puffy sleeves, but a torso that hugged him so tight, it was ripping in the back where the zipper holding it closed was struggling. He was dancing about his room as he spoke, long silver-white hair flowing about him in wild tendrils, his skirt floating about his hips as he twirled. The phone he held was covered in glitter and sparkly gems.

"You are so dirty, Sora. Hey, do you want to meet up later? Maybeee, tonight? Your house...?"

Several dolls were on top of the dresser and television, all in pretty gowns and cute hats- all with their eyes staring forward, as if to watch the teenager dance as he spoke.

"Awesome. I'll bring the lube. You like banana flavored, right? Cool. See you then."

And he hung up. As soon as he did, he let out a loud squeal of delight, jumping up and down excitedly as he screamed his happiness into the room.

"I've got a date~" He said in a high pitched voice, squealing again. He bounced over to his closet using little bunny hops, first taking off his under from under his dress. It was see-through, white, and incredibly lacy- one might marvel at how such a piece could keep Riku's impressively large penis from popping out. He tossed those aside into a laundry basket, which was also very feathery, pink, but this had teddy bears decorated on it instead of flowers. The dress that was breaking went next, leaving him completely in the nude.

This male was well muscled all over, from his neck to his ankles. Definitely the athletic type. His face was hansom, his member large, and his skin creamy and smooth. He quickly went through his closet, tossing out several bits of clothing- many of it more dresses or bits of leather outfits. After a moment, he found his favorite pair of purple jeans, studded belt, and a black vest zip up shirt- tossing over another vest of a yellow color. After, he toed on his sneakers without socks and began to head out of his bedroom.

"Oh yeah!" He exclaimed, jerking to a halt before he opened the door, looking both panicked and amused. On the back of the door was a full length mirror, covered in pictures of a brunet with blue eyes taped all over the rim. Riku laughed as he looked at himself, moving to his desk to pull out a drawer and grab a ontainer of wipes. "Almost left looking like this... That would have been bad!" He giggled- not chuckled, giggled- and began to clean his face. It took four pads, all four covered in red, but the blush was gone and his face was bare.

He smiled at himself in the mirror, pushing his long hair behind his shoulder. After, he practiced his usual smirk one more time to prepare himself for his date, then left his room.

And that is a day in the secret life of Riku. TELL NO ONE.

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Not incredibly funny, but it's not really suppose to be. It's suppose to give people a visual image that they can giggle at themselves. xD I loved doing it though, super funny to me. Writing it was a little hard, and when I imagined some stuff for myself, I snorted.

I might add more. Maybe.

Read, review... Srsly. Is there any need to flame this?


	2. Chapter 2

Another dumb chapter. xD Enjoy.

I have finished and started my own discussion and role play forum.

I have made and begun a Kingdom Hearts role play and I'm in some serious need of fellow players or just anyone who wants to come by and join in threads! Please come check me out. The link is **sokh dot proboards dot com**. I'd write it out like a real link, but it doesn't show up here like that. xD Or find the link at the bottom of my profile page!

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"Pass the sugar."

"Say the magic words."

"Go fuck yourself?"

It was a bright, sunny day in the gardens behind the labs. A solitary secret spot of the gardens surrounded by white gates and a hidden door under an arch of ivy and purple flowers. Inside the tiny secret area was a small, round table covered in a crisp, white cloth with nearly invisible blue flower designs along the lining.

"..."

"Just give me the damn sugar."

There was an antique, porcelain tea set, with hand-painted little maidens dancing on the large tea pot that sat steaming in the middle. The smell of soft, lilac-camomile tea was floating thick into the air from the spout. The sun was just barely able to shine through the thicket of trees and various little plants that surrounded two friends, illuminating their silver spoons and forks.

"You want the sugar, huh? Go fetch."

"What was that for? You didn't have to toss the cubes at me."

It was the perfect setting for a young girl's tea party. There were sugar cookies in a white bowl, pieces of vanilla cake half eaten, saucers of cream, and victorian style chairs lined around the table. Two of the four chairs had a little stuffed creature situated carefully on top, one a lion missing an eye and another a patched up wolf. Both animals had small, frilly dresses that just fit them on. The table and chairs were only just high enough and just big enough to fit an average sized eight year old. The very tea set, though obviously sophisticated and mature- perhaps for a full grown woman, could also be taken as a young girl's things.

"Well, stop being rude."

"Fine, I'm sorry."

"Better... I guess."

Beautiful dresses of an 1800's couture, two cute stuffed companions occupying chairs, a wonderful smelling pot of sweet tea, and cute dishes of porcelain- all inside a secret place filled with beautiful flowers not far from civilization, but far enough to pretend that nothing could exist beyond the tea party. The perfect time for a young girl and her friend...

"You look... strangely hot in that bonnet, Cloud."

"... Don't smirk at me like that, Leon, it's creepy. Especially in that flowery hat."

However, these were not small girls. These were men, tall men that were actually somewhat larger then most men as their bodies were bulked up with muscle. One had a gruesome scar on his hansom face, which was shadowed by a large hat full of flowers and a large, white peacock feather. The other had piercing blue eyes and spiked blond locks, squished down by a nearly too small bonnet tied in a large bow below his chin. Despite their large arms, they had puffy, short sleeves on their nearly matching twin dresses. Lace, ribbons, and ruffles- all in the style of a woman from the 1800's. Together these men were munching less then daintily on cookies, getting crumbs everywhere, and passing dirty jokes back and forth. Or tossing food about, causing fights, or inappropriately grabbing at each other's gowns- which Leon was doing to Cloud right now.

With his hand in Cloud's dress, he was proceeding to make Cloud squeak as many odd noises as he could elicit, just until Cloud punched him in the neck to make him back off.

"Ow- fuck..."

"Not in this dress. Wait until I have my pants back on."

"But that's not easy access."

Cloud threw another punch, but Leon saw the hit coming this time and dodged quickly, despite his ass being stuck between the arms of his tiny seat and his knees preventing much movement forward. More punches were thrown, tea and cookies were served, and the party continued.

"More tea, Mr. Snuffles?"

And that is a day in the secret life of Leon and Cloud. TELL NO ONE.

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Yep. Dumb, rushed, and not much detail. I hope you guys enjoyed it!


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